But it is what I have to do. I have to give up the life that I recklessly lived. I have to, as an adult, become more of an adult. I have to force myself into a new level of maturity. It will require me to work harder, to apply myself more efficiently and effectively, and it will require me to let go of people and habits that I can confidently say won’t be able to help me along my way.
I have to pave a new path, and along the way, I am excited for every single challenge. I know that some of my challenges, I probably won’t be able to meet or overcome without help, but as I mature, I am going to try my best to find new help along more peaceful and productive avenues.
I want to redevelop my imagination so that I can successfully become a better citizen, someone who cares about other’s development and success. I want to harness my mind in a way that I think more clear, and am more focused for day to day tasks.
I want to, and desperately need to stay away from negative energies and influences. I know it will be tough, but it is what I have to do, if I ever want to again (or for the first time) find myself in a situation of absolute success. I now crave success and awards and more earnings and a lifestyle that I feel comfortable, unlike before, where I was comfortable being someone that did not have their own best interests at heart.
I need to go back to school. I need to learn new things, things and skills that I can apply immediately in society so that I can pave a new way for me to live, and also help people at the same time.
I need to save up my earnings, and pay off my debts, what I consider my ultimate problem. People have said that money is the root of evil, and costly spending habits and not being focused on the future is how I would categorize how I have lived my life up to now. I have a giant hole in front of me, my current roadblock, and it is time to fill it up, plant my own flag or tree atop it, and start anew from there.
I need to ensure myself that I focus on my mind, body and soul with good intentions and not negative intentions. I need to assure that everyday, although I may push myself too hard at the gym, overload myself with school or professional work, that I always place my needs first in a fashion so that I can learn to be more independent, while trying to adhere to the principle of selfless service that I learned from the military.
I also need to remain humble. I recently turned 29 years old, and I feel that I need to acknowledge God, and right now put him first, for without him I do not think I would have made it this far. In their category, I do also add my family. They have been here for me through thick and thin, and even now, as I have succumb to someone I wished not to be (with all the intent of a successful recovery), they have not given up on me, have sheltered me, and have filtered into my life unconditional love and support.
This is what I must do. It won’t be easy, but it will be rewarding once I get to see how much I have matured over the years. I am soon to be 30, and it is now time for me to make drastic changes in my world. With my experiences and current attributes, I will try my hardest to stay healthy, and become a much better person overall.